Don’t string them along: Do this instead.


This post is all based on the experience of a male friend of mine. He is someone that has been in my life for a long time, and he can try my patience, but he likes to see the people around him happy and is very supportive. So much so that when I asked him if he had any dating experiences, he wanted to share, he was delighted to oblige (although they were slim pickings), but I was able to get some gold nuggets from him. We met in middle school, and he had a crush on me. He has since been married, and yes, his wife knows about our circumstances, so no drama there.

The Experience:

So, my friend told me that he had a crush on someone that he went to church with (this was after me), and he asked her out. He said that he was interested in her because she was talented, humble, and good looking.  He decided to ask her out, and her response was, “yes, …sure.” Isn’t that a weird thing to say? If you’re going to show up to the date with a friend? Because that is precisely what she did. My friend was confused by this but went along with it. He said that they had a decent time: “The date was quite fun! We went to a bar in the peer where there was some kind of bizarre singing show. We had fun, but the three of us as friends, it was not a date. Since then, I kept being friends with both of them, and the other girl is now one of my best friends”.

It’s weird to me that she would say yes and then bring someone else along for a date. It could be because I would never agree to that date unless I knew that he would be ok only going as friends. If he were interested in something more, I would have said thanks, but no thanks.

The Lesson:

I think in terms of the girl being asked out, you should just be extremely transparent when someone is interested in you, but you don’t feel the same way. I told my friend no when he tried to ask me out, and although I was a little aggressive about it, I think it kept him from being strung along.

What my friend learned: “I learned that it’s a better idea to read more into the cues and keep a friendship because it was awkward for a long time after that.”

When I asked him what she could’ve said to let him down gently, he said this: “I don’t know. I was young, and I think it was a good learning experience. I also think there is no perfect way to respond. Even though it was awkward, I think she did the best she could because she did not want to hurt me, so I appreciated that”.

I can understand that it can be tricky when someone asks you out and you aren’t interested in them. The main thing that makes it awkward is the fact that you do not want to hurt them, but honesty is always the best policy. I have been watching Adam Lodolce’s videos and reading his emails. I think he is a big part of how I changed my mindset towards men. For those of you who don’t know who Adam is, he helps women find love. As I was rewriting this post with my friend’s answers, I got a notice that Adam had just posted a video How To Turn A Guy Down (The Graceful Exit). He gives three scenarios and urges women to always be honest in each one. “Honesty always wins.”

What do you say to turn a guy down? Are you sweet about it, or do you tell them to fuck off? Have you ever asked someone out who brought a friend along to the date? How did that go?

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