The secret to being happily single

I have been single most of my adult life, from my previous posts, you can see that I started dating at a later age. I did not have my first kiss until I was 24, so I didn’t learn about the opposite sex until much later in my life. Sometimes I do wish I had someone because my parents have been together forever, and my sister is engaged, so when we are all together, I feel like the odd man out. During holidays is when I wish I were in a relationship the most because everyone is under the same roof. Still, after the dates that I have been on, I realize I am much happier being on my own until I can meet someone worthy of me.

The Experience:

The relationship that opened my eyes to me, changing my expectations and behavior, was when I was 30. I had spoken to other men before then and dated a bit, but I had not realized that changing your mentality to achieve dating more healthily was even an option until then. When I first started to date this guy, I was a little unsure about my feelings, and I kept him at arm’s length, which only made him want to be closer to me. Around the three month mark, I started to get more into my feelings, and he became more withdrawn. After we broke up, I educated myself a little more about men and noticed that I had put pressure on him and myself to make the “relationship” work because I thought I couldn’t do any better than him. There had been red flags, but I had ignored them because I did not believe that anyone else would come along.

The Lesson:

What I learned from this “relationship” is that I had no idea what I wanted before going into it. After we broke up, I had a better idea of what I would need in a partner, but being single and dating helped me get a better understanding of what kind of person would make me happy. Two weeks ago, I saw an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, where Khloe said: “that being single has this negative stigma to it and that it should be rewarded instead of being frowned upon.” What she said spoke to me. I thought to myself, “if more people remained single to focus on what makes them happy, fewer people would end up in toxic relationships because they would enter the partnerships fulfilled, and they wouldn’t settle for anything less than what they deserve.”

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The secret to being single is not to place any relationship pressures on yourself. I used to tell my friends that I was going to be married at the age of 25. Ummm…. I will be 35 soon, and I am not close to that step at all, but I am not letting that affect my view on being single because if I did, two things would have happened. One scenario is that I would be pressuring myself continually and whoever I was with to move the relationship forward, which only helps to spook the person away or been married and miserable. When you don’t give yourself time to be single and date, you have fewer opportunities to learn what to look out for and what you want. If you keep telling yourself you need to be married at a certain age, it can be done, but you may not see the red flags until after the ceremony.

I am a big advocate of getting to know someone slowly before taking the next serious steps, although I may think this way because I love watching true crime, and most people are killed by someone they know or love. There are many pros to being single. I remind myself of them every once in a while, to keep outside pressures, like society, from bringing me down. I am sharing some with you, can you guess which one is my favorite?

Pros to Being Single:

  • You can be as messy or as clean as you want
  • No arguing (unless you like to argue with yourself)
  • Become Independent
  • More time with friends and family
  • Go wherever you want
  • You don’t have to be vulnerable
  • Focus on your happiness!

How do you keep yourself happy while being single? How often do you struggle with being single? If you’re in a relationship, what do you miss about being single?

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