Let me set the scene. You have been dating someone you like for the last few weeks. You have been meeting in public places and getting to know each other, and you are feeling comfortable enough and trust them enough to where you decide that you can set up a date at your house or theirs. You want to spend some alone time with them, but you aren’t ready to go all the way. What do you do to remind yourself not to step over that threshold? Do you:
A. Not shave your legs
B. Wear unattractive underwear
My go-to is usually option A, although I have also opted for B occasionally. Having a “plan” in mind keeps me from getting carried away and doing something I will regret, and it is also an excellent way to diminish peer pressure. The embarrassment of not being perfect, especially in the beginning stages of dating someone you like, can help overcome that pressure. It is very important to voice our limits and have them respected, and a lot of the time, they can be, but you should always look out for yourself.
What I have learned about dating is that you do not need to rush into anything. I will voice my boundaries when I am first getting to know someone, and if I see that they respect them and they do not seem pushy or want to rush the physical, then I will say yes to meeting in a more private environment. If your date seems to talk about sex regularly, they are either only interested in the physical aspect, or they don’t know how to communicate. If they can’t communicate because they are nervous, it is probably best to go out in public a few more times and gage his/her attitude toward your limits before making a more informed decision.
Do you have an option C? What do you do to resist temptation? How do you set your limits?